FEATURED STORY OF THE MONTH
I interviewed a wonderful man. At his request, I will use a pen name. I will call him Josiah, which means “supported of the Lord” and here is his story.
A WARRIOR OF LOVE
Army Rangers, Navy Seals, Green Berets, Snipers, Recons, do those names ring a bell? They’re only a few of the Special Forces in the United States Armed Forces. This is Josiah's story of how Yahweh changed this man from an armed forces elite to an elite warrior of Yahweh. Josiah is a former Green Beret and Gold Wing Jump Master - one of the Army’s most intensively trained individuals. I know what you’re thinking – he’s one tough hombre, and, he is. Trained to save lives and trained to take lives. However, if you ever got to meet Josiah, you would take one look at his big beautiful smile & his adorable brown eyes and say: this person couldn’t be a trained special operations person; yet Josiah remains humble & joyful. When he speaks, kindness & laughter fills the air. I kept wondering as he was speaking, how could someone have gone through so much; seen so much, loss so much & still remain so humble & loving. He is an instrument of strength and love and here is his story:
Sitting in a jail cell, a prisoner in my mind and a prisoner in jail at 39 years old in the year 2002. I sat thinking, all my training, and all the things I've ever experienced could not get me out of this mess so I had to dig deep within my soul, deep within myself, to step outside myself and evaluate myself. That day in my jail cell is when I gave my life to the Lord. I prayed hard for God to forgive me and I asked Him to please deliver me from this torment that I was in. He used me while I was in there to minister to others about the good news of the gospel of Jesus.
Yes, I messed up. My baby's mother and I were into it. She was keeping my 3 children away from me and I wanted desperately to see them. I borrowed a friend's car and I went to her mother's house where they were staying and I asked the kids if they wanted to come with me. I had been drinking heavily. The children got into the car with me and the police stopped me. I was arrested for DUI, kidnapping, and trespassing. I was sentenced to 5 years in jail all because I made a mistake; I missed my children and wanted to be with them. She even said that my daughter might not be mine. She admitted that in a courtroom full of people. It was devastating. I know I went about it the wrong way. I endangered my children and it cost me 11 months & 29 days in the county jail. It was tough being away from my children and my mother during that time. But God was good to me, I could have done the whole 5 years, but He had mercy on me and I got out in one year and He has changed my life forever! Halleluyah - I give Him the highest praise!
Trouble is so easy to get in to and so hard to get out of. Who would have thought that that night would turn out the way it did. I've had the best of everything: money, women, clothes, and food. I've been all over the world. The army was exciting and fun at first. I've been responsible for several troops. Trying to train them properly, discipline them and get them home safely. I've seen people die and I've killed people to protect the weak and innocent. I've seen babies starving because they have not eaten in weeks because the guerrillas were taking their parents food; thus taking their food. Their bellies would swell up from starvation and would burst. I mean just burst wide open like a dropped melon. The stench of their little bodies filled the air. I began to really see these people who I was sent to protect; from the enemy whom I was sent to destroy. There was such strength in their faces at times and at times such agony. What sense did this make? I've jumped in several war zones: Grenada, Somalia, and Honduras to name a few. I've seen members of my team die. It's an awful cycle. But I swore to protect my country. My team members swore to protect our country even if it meant losing our lives. I was owning up to my responsibilities and my promise. I received medals and honors. I've sat at the dinner table with President Reagan & Secretary of Defense, Casper Weinberg. Yes, my career was exciting, fun and honorable at first. Then reality began to set in and it dawned on me, I'm receiving medals for killing somebody. What sense does this make? People are starving, children are dying, and these people are surviving on whatever they can. All this suffering and death made me wonder if there was a God. Doesn't he see all this agony, suffering? Why doesn't He stop this?
Then, one day, after reality had manifested, I quit playing soldier. I just got tired of playing and quit. I stopped playing by their rules. They said I was crazy, that I was off my rocker, and placed me in a psychiatric hospital for mental evaluation. I was tired of all the death, the madness; I did not want to be this person anymore. So I hung up my guns and I quit - mentally. They thought I was crazy so I received an honorable discharge. Just kicked me out and placed me in a world that I was no longer familiar with. No help, no nothing. They just released me. I get out here in the real world and it's even worse than the war zone. At least in the war zone, you know who your real enemies are. Here, they can be cloaked in every and anything imaginable. Life wasn't the same and alcohol became a constant friend. A relief, a comforter. It made me forget about a lot of things.
I had lost my father to illness before I went in the service in 1977. I lost a brother in 1988 when he was 27 years old, a Marine, in a training exercise. This all did not make sense to me. I'm protecting my country while my own family is perishing. I asked God why did he allow such things to happen. I raised my rifle in the air to God and I shot at him. So I told God that I quit playing. I was always talking to him, but had never given my life to him.
After I was released from the service, I met the mother of my children. We have 3 children together. Two boys and a girl. She was a challenge to me. We were not meant for each other. Then, I lost another brother whom I was very close to in an automobile accident in 1999. That was very heart wrenching. I began to drink more and more. I would drink a gallon of whisky a day with my cousin. I still took care of my kids, never abusive to them in any form. I didn't want to stay home much because I wasn't happy with the person I got involved with. My life was a complete mess. Then, I went to jail and the judge gave me 5 years.
While in jail, my mother gets sick. Praise God, I only did a year in jail. When I got out, I went to stay with her. My children would come and stay with me. Their mother said we would be a family again, but her interests were with another man. This was very hard to deal with and made me wonder why this person would treat me this way. She went back and forth between us for quite some time. I was so very hurt. Then, I had another brother die and my favorite aunt. I said Lord, why does this keep happening to my family? Then, I remembered the promise I made to God when I was in jail. I told him that I would get baptized. So I cleaned up, went to church and got baptized.
Then in April of 2004, my mother died of cancer. I was completely devastated. Beyond broken. I wanted to die! Everyone that I ever loved had left me. I had no mother, no father, lost 3 brothers, a sister, and my favorite aunt and my babies mother was playing games with me with the children saying I would never see them again. I had no reason to live. One day I went and got a 5th of whiskey and drank until I couldn't drink anymore. I said okay God; I'm tired of being here. I don't want to be here anymore. Everything I love is gone. I loaded my handgun and placed it at the base of the back of my neck and pulled the trigger several times but the gun would not go off. I checked the gun to make sure it was loaded and tried it again, and the gun still did not go off. I threw the gun out of the window and then I just passed out.
I did not know who I was, I was just existing. All the Special Forces training could not help me or did not prepare me for these obstacles. I had to believe in God with everything I had. I learned to depend on Him with everything I had. The battlefield in my mind was raging the biggest war I had ever faced and brought me face to face with the biggest enemy I ever encountered and that enemy was me. I had to cry out to God to deliver me from anger, selfishness, addiction, suicide, grief, deceit and depression. I was separated from all who loved me and everyone I loved. When I found myself, I found that I was a child of God. I was able to laugh, cry, my joy returned to me and then I knew I was somebody and that there really was a God and He cared about me....Me! I mattered to someone. God began to heal my brokenness.
Now at 42 years old, I look back and said yes, everything I went through was rough but by God's grace, I made it. I've met a beautiful woman and God is restoring me each day. I get to see my children again. I have a wonderful job and my life is being restored. One thing is for sure in this life - death. Death is inevitable, but through Christ Jesus, we are promised eternal life with Him in the Father's house where there are many mansions.
Whatever you're going through, trust God. He is real. He is a living God and He heals, He hears, He delivers, He comforts, He is love and He loves you just as He loves me. Now, instead of being an elite warrior of the armed forces, I am an elite warrior of God and in His missions - there are no failures! Only life! I will leave you with my favorite scripture. One I quote everyday:
"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song I will praise him." (Psalm 28:7) I add to the end of this: for the rest of my life.
God Bless You Always!
Josiah